Have you experienced a lot of rejection,
set-backs, or people telling you that what you are doing is not possible? Or do you catch yourself saying “I can’t do it"? My mentor of ten years once said, “Edgar when someone told me I could not do something, I simply looked around for the exception, because there is always an exception and if they can do it so can I. If I looked hard enough for the exception, I found out it was ME.” In your path to success you have to look for those that ARE SUCCESSFUL in their recovery or in their life. The successful people can be anyone... they can be a sponsor, family member, friends, co-workers, or a mentor. I would like to point out that at one point these successful people were not the exception ...but now they are. In your path to success you will encounter a lot of “NO,” or you telling yourself, “NO.” As my mentor said, “every 'no' brings you closer to a 'yes'.” That same mentor told me, “in your road to success people will tell you what you can or can’t do, but never be smart enough to know your limitations.”
I have to
confess that I believed that I understood his saying of “never be smart enough
to know your limitations,” but in reality, I did not have a clue until a
few days ago, which was almost 7 years later when I first fully received this pearl of
wisdom. The day was last Saturday, I was in a meeting with 3 smart men who want to
create an alcohol and drug program. These men in their own right are
successful in their trade. They were trying to be careful and plan for
everything that could go wrong, which seems rational, but there was so much
of this SMART planning that it slowed down the progress to a point that it was beginning to look like it might not
happen or take years in the making. I felt this urge and heard the voice
of my mentor scream at me, so I had to stop them and ask them ..."do you know
why people are successful?" They all looked at me and gave me educated guesses
and I told them, “because they are not smart enough to know their limitations,
so they just do it, they take the risk.” Then one of the businessmen, who happens to own a successful shoe
store, said, “If knew that running a shoe business was going to be so hard, I
would not have done it. But because I didn’t... I did it.” This particular
businessman started multiple businesses, but the one I want to mention is how he
started selling shoes. He started at a local swapmeet selling shoes, then he increased
his inventory, and secured a location for his first shoe store, and then opened
multiple stores. This man was not smart enough to know his limitations, but he
found himself questioning himself and was stricken by fear. During this
process of education in business he became too SMART, so much so that he researches
everything. My mentor once said, “if you
plan too much, your plan will fail or you will talk yourself out of it."
I have learned that the mind has to be able to
welcome success, to embrace it, to be one with it. I am not saying not to plan,
but take action and you will learn what you need in the process. I remember being
really smart and that I knew my limitations so I would not take risks or take advantage
of opportunities. I turned to someone that at one point was the exception, which
was my mentor. My mentor came from a farm in St louis, which he was really poor
but in his later years would own several properties, own business, help people,
lose millions and make millions, and die at home with 24/7 care as he wanted
to. At one point I did not relate to this man because I believed he did not
understand where I came from because how successful he was when I met him. He asked about my 5 closest friends and how
much they made and asked me to add it up and divide it by 5. He
said this will be your income in the future. I became defensive and got angry,
but I did not want to show it because this would mean he was right, but deep
and I mean REALLY DEEP inside I knew he was right. I told him "you don’t understand." He replied, “look
at what I have and look at what you have... your best thinking has brought you where you are
at now, so what makes you think that your thinking will take you anywhere
different?” He said you have to realize the following: we are all pre-approved
since birth to be successful and we live in a world of abundance where there is
enough for all of us. My mentor asked me “what is wrong with you?” I wanted to
give him a list of my short comings, character defects, and what other people
pointed out that was wrong with me, but I remained quiet. He said, “let me help you with the answer: Absolutely
Nothing.” He then asked me what do you need to change? Again I thought of
everything wrong with me, but I remained quiet. He then answered again, "Absolutely
nothing." He then went on to explain
that I simply needed "to continue my personal growth and development.” He
taught me to unconditionally acceptance myself. For who I am... not for how I
was. He told me that I might not believe him and that was okay because “you
are okay... just the way you are.” By this point I was confused. NOW it makes sense, he was telling me that I
had everything I needed to be successful, and if you don’t... he had a saying for
that too. “ anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.” I will not explain what
that meant because he never told me what any of these saying meant. I had to
figure them out on my own, and some took minutes, hours, days, or even years to figure
out. I am realizing that I don’t know
what half of them mean and what I thought they meant ... well.. most of them don’t really mean
that. In other words, I took direction
from the exception.
Here is another of
his sayings, “a man that never risks... never loses.” My mentor had saying about
everything. One time I was looking at box and he asked what I saw and I
said,”an empty box.” My mentor replied, “an opportunity for more”
My mentor also mentioned never say anything negative about yourself you don’t
want to be true. This man gave a lot of sayings to think about and activities to
do. He gave me books, words to know, but most importantly he gave me the
opportunity paradigm.
What do these sayings have to do with success?
Especially since they do not mention how to become successful... My mentor prepared
my mind to accept and understand success by showing that I was the
exception. You are the exception to the rule, you have everything you
need. At Crossroads Recovery Centers we do not create exceptions but you
become part of norm. I encourage you to look for those around you who are the
exception in recovery and follow them, learn from them, live like them and
if you remain teachable you will be successful in your recovery. -Edgar A. Villa, LCSW, CATC IV
At Crossroads Recovery Centers we provide comprehensive treatment for addiction to alcohol and other drugs.
visit us at www.crossroadsrecoverycenters.com
